You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
