Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
