Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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