apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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