I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
