just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
