you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude i'm inner monologue high
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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