I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
