Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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