if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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