Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
