Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
