if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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