At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
