I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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