Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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