I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
