Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He kissed a someone with a penis
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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