just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
