The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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