If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
