just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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