Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
