mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
