I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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