I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
