I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
