No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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