I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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