Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
