so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
