She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We are two peas in an std pod
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
