shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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