was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
