I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
