Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
