She's JV to your varsity
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
