You're my little dorito
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
