Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
