it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
