So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
