I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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