I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i was born a porn star she said
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
