Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
