You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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