"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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