On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
