just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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