Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
