There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
